Reblogged from Adelaide
After seeing Paramore's interview "Paramore: The Last Word" , I just thought of making a one-shot. Now, I'm going to warn you, it isn't a happy fantasy kind of one-shot. It's more realistic, but not cruel. So i hope you enjoy. Please tell me the hordcore truth on what you thought of it. :) PS, it's kind of a really long one-shot but i didn't want to make it a two-shot. I'm also going to update Dreams & Memories very soon.
We've decided to quit the band. Our hearts aren't just in it anymore. We're truely sorry. These were the words I was always horrifed to hear. I never wanted to hear this from any one of us. Including me.
But it happened, because this is real life. Not a fairytale.
Paramore recently lost two band members. The rest of us weren't really suprised that they decided this. Well, what I'm trying to say is, yeah, we were shocked, but we felt it come sooner or later from them.
The Farro Brothers. Josh and Zac. They decided to quit the band and tell us ahead of time. Now, there was some fake blog saying only Josh left and we had to clear things up. We wanted Josh and Zac to send out something to the fans breaking the bad news. But, what goes around online is horrible. So we had to do something.
Taylor, Jeremy and I decided to post on our website a statement confirming the fake blog and that Josh and Zac were actually leaving the band. By the time it was out, millions of fans already read it and started freaking out. Once Zac and Josh found out that we sent out something before them, we knew they would send something out that would be... odd.
We were right. Josh posted on a blog of his all about why they left. It lead up to things that happened when we first started as a band and the drama just increased. The thing was though, the blog was mostly pointed at me. Negative things about me.
When Jeremy, Taylor and I read the blog, we couldn't help but feel hurt. Angry. Upset. Confused. Every single emotion exploded in me and I had no words for this blog.
Well, all I can say is now, instead of wanting us to all end in good terms, we ended up ending in horrible terms just because some douchelord had to post a blog at such a terrible time. And I mean bad terms. Like, bad bad.
Bet you are all wondering what happend. Fine. Here is what happened a week after reading Josh's blog....
"Hayley, where are you going?" Jeremy asked as the three of us, Paramore, were sitting here for an hour now writing for our new record, coming up with nothing. Then, all of a sudden, we started talking about this whole Paramore versus Josh & Zac issue.
"I need closure with them. I need to know." That was all I could say as I grabbed my keys. I had no idea why I wanted to go. It was one of those things where you knew why, but you also didn't know why all at the same time.
"This isn't really a good time to do this now, Hayles." Taylor called out. I waved my hand at them as I walked out my front door.
I jumped into my car starting the engine. It was a spontaneous thing to do, but I just needed to know. I knew as I would drive off that the two of them would talk for a few minutes, then run after me.
The question was, which brother was she going to first. Everyone knew. Josh. It was obvious. Josh was more involved with this blog than Zac was. Josh was more "angry" than Zac was. Josh was the one who spoke up on how he felt.
As I drove up to the very familiar house, I got out of my car seeing that Josh's and Jenna's cars were here. Perfect. I can deal with both of them. Just what I need.
I slowly but surely walked up the front steps. I stood infront of the door for a few moments, debating whether to bolt or just knock. I wasn't that much of a coward. So, I knocked.
I sucked in a shakey breath as I heard the door unlocking. When the door swung open, it wasn't Josh, it was Jenna.
I forced a smile. "Hi Jenna."
"Hayley?" She looked suprised. "It's good to see you.... Um, come in."
I stepped over the threshold cautiously. "So, is Josh here?" I asked.
She peered over at me as she led me to the living room. "Yeess. I'll go get him." I knew from the look she gave me that she was kind of suprised to see me here after what he blogged. I plopped down on the couch, so used to this place. I heard some voices from the back of the house feeling my stomach do a flip-flop. I swallowed hard and braced myself as I heard footsteps come my way.
"Hayley?" I heard a voice. Then he came into view. Even Josh looked dumbfounded when he saw me. I smiled weakly at him.
"Hi." I managed to choke out as my throat started closing.
He looked at me for a few moments as Jenna stood there awkwardly. "I'll go get us some drinks." Jenna offered scurrying away.
"What are you doing here?" He asked after a few moments.
I looked down at my hands. I took in a deep breath. "I need to know." I mumbled. I didn't know how else to explain.
"What do you mean?"
I closed my eyes. "Your blog. And everything that's going on. I need to know."
I heard Josh sigh in understanding. When, as I thought, we were interrupted by rapid knocking.
"Hold on." Josh murmered as he went to get the door. I waited for a bit when I suddenly heard some loud voices and then Josh's hushed one. After a moment or two I saw Jeremy and Taylor walking in awkwardly and Josh behind them. Even though I knew they were coming I was still annoyed.
"Did you guys have to follow me?"
"Uh, yeah. Cause you know, we want to know too." Taylor stated, sitting down beside me as Jeremy did the same on my other side.
"I have a feeling I should call Zac to join us." Josh said slowly.
"Well, was he the one who wrote the blog?" Jeremy snapped. I lightly whacked his leg, telling him to calm down.
Josh sighed once again. "It was both of us."
"I doubt that." Taylor mumbled.
"Shhh!" I hissed.
"Well," Josh started, ignoring their comments. "He's on his way anyways so, I guess you guys came on just the right time."
"Fine. We'll wait for him." I agreed as Jenna came back into the living room with three drinks.
"Oh. Jeremy and Taylor are here. I'll go get three more since Zac is almost here. He just called." Jenna explained. We all nodded our heads.
After about a good 5 awkward minutes, there was a few knocks and then we heard the front door opening. "Zac is entering the building!" He said a little loudly. I couldn't help but smile. Oh, how I missed his silly ways.
Josh went to greet him and explained everything to him. We said our hellos and Jenna came back with all the drinks. We all gathered around and sat.
The silence was agonising as Josh, Zac, and Jenna were across from us on the other couch, staring. I took in a deep breath. "Why would you say all that stuff about us like that?" I asked really quietly.
Josh stared me down as Zac was fidgeting. Jenna couldn't help but just look around the room nervously. "You said we could give out a statement. Then you all just posted one yourselves after saying that we can tell the fans ourselves." He explained.
I let out a small but quiet laugh. "We all know there is more to that, Josh."
He was a stone. Just set in place. Staring me down as he leaned forward a bit. "What exactly bothered you all? I said the truth." Josh was starting to get defensive.
I winced at this. I didn't want any fights going on. I just wanted us to be friends again. "All the shit you said about Hayley and her family. I mean, you guys never really said anything about us. You just pinned it all on Hayley. Then insulted her family." Jeremy answered.
Josh rolled his eyes. "It's all true. Why are you guys always defending her?"
Taylor stood up. "Because you blamed everything on her! That was so unnecessary!"
Zac slowly stood up. "Tay, calm down. Let's all be civilized here."
Josh shot out of his seat. "Well maybe if she wasn't so selfish and ignorant, we wouldn't be in this mess!" Josh yelled, ignoring Zac.
I flinched at this as if I was slapped across the face and kicked in the gut. Everyone looked at me, seeing my reaction. I noticed that everyone was now standing up except for me. So I stood up. "I'm the selfish one. Right." I said sarcastically.
"You are." He spat. "The contracts, YOUR dream, making lyrics that we all disagree on and of course getting your own way."
"Josh." Jenna warned.
"What?!" I started getting worked up. "You think that as I went to see record labels and had interviews that I wanted to be a solo artist?! If I wanted to be one, I would of already. But, I don't. And that's how Paramore became famous. It was because I fought for our band! And it wasn't only my dream. It was yours too!"
Jenna started getting very unsettled. She walked in the center of the room. "Okay, everyone. Let's all just calm down."
I got annoyed. She was trying to be innocent and the peace maker. "Give me a break, Jenna. Stop with all of this bullshit of being innocent." I accused. I regretted it instantly.
"What did you just say to my wife?" Josh seethed.
I swallowed. "I can't believe you would do such a thing Josh. I thought we were best friends."
"Not anymore." He said simply, taking Jenna into his arms. This was obviously about me and Josh. Nothing about Paramore. He was only angry with me.
I felt tears well up in my eyes. I couldn't just lose him. He was my first love, my best friend. "You don't actually mean that do you?"
"Get out of my house, Hayley." Josh demanded. Jeremy and Taylor were staring at him shocked. Now realising the same thing I did. This was all about Josh and I. Zac was standing there, worrying and Jenna was embraced in Josh's arms looking uncomfortable.
"Josh." My voice croaked as the tears fell freely down my face, seeing that Josh was clearly done with me.
"Get. Out." He interrupted. I couldn't move. Was he joking? He couldn't just kick me out as we were having a serious conversation. "Hayley, I'm not joking. Get out of my house."
"Josh, she shouldn't be kicked out. You all have to talk about this." Jenna said. I felt even more guilty after what I said about her that now she was defending me. Josh ripped away from her.
"So now after what she said to you, you're defending her?" He was getting louder by the minute. I did not expect this to happen.
Jenna sighed, irratated. "Look, you did pin everything down on Hayley. Didn't you expect her to come and talk about this? This is rediculous Josh. If you're going to be childish about this, then maybe you shouldn't of even blogged anything at all. Well, since I'm not involved in any of this, I'm going to get the groceries now. You all need to talk." And that was that. She took a piece of paper that had a list on it and keys and walked out the door.
Josh looked disgusted with me that Jenna stood up to him. Jeremy and Taylor were just staring at him and Zac. Zac, he just stood there.
"Do you really hate me?" I asked.
Josh crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know. But all I know is that I don't love you as my friend anymore."
I winced again. "Because of me cheating on you? Haven't you moved on? You have a wife now."
"Of course I haven't moved on!" He snapped. "You cheated on me Hayley! Who would move on from that?!"
"I told you, I'm sor-"
"Sorry doesn't fucking fix anything!" He growled.
"Josh." Zac said, putting a hand on his shoulder. He slapped Zac's hand away.
"You're a bitch. A whore. You're a lying little asshole!" Josh pointed his finger at me. I widened my eyes at this. "You stupid littl-" He was cut off when Jeremy charged at him and punched him square in the jaw. I screamed, not wanting this to happen. This wasn't suppose to happen.
Zac grabbed Jeremy, pulling him off of Josh as Taylor helped Josh up, checking if he was okay. I felt so small and useless. I was sobbing now. Uncontrolably. There was too much chaos with the guys they didn't realise it. Once they calmed down Jeremy and Josh they all turned to me. I hated seeing these four guys, best friends, all hating each other. And I hated to hear what Josh said to me, knowing how he actually felt.
"Hayley." Taylor said softly coming over to comfort me. I couldn't catch my breath. I just let the sobs out even more. And they kept on coming. "Shh. Don't worry. We'll get through this." He soothed.
"It wasn't suppose to be like this." I blubblered. "I don't want to see you all hate each other."
Josh looked a little upset now, watching me as I cried like a baby. There was one hundred percent regret written all over his face. "Hayley, I didn't mean any of that. I was just angry."
"Save it!" I cried out. "You hate me!! You fucking hate me!!!" I cried again, I was getting even more out of control.
Jeremy stood infront of me, grabbing my shoulders. "Hayley, no one hates you. Take deep breaths. Breathe in, breathe out." He said taking deep breaths.
I looked at him through blurry eyes. I wriggled out of his grasp and ran for the door. I stopped mid step as Josh got in my way. He just wrapped his arms around me as I broke down all over again.
After I quieted down, Josh looked at me wiping my tears away. "Goodbye Josh." I whispered.
He let out a breath. "Bye Hayles." Him saying my nickname said that he was truely sorry for what he said to me just a few minutes ago. But, it didn't mean everything was all good again. In fact, after that I gave Zac a hug and said bye then told Taylor and Jeremy I would see them later. I walked out the door, leaving the four people that were most important to me, behind.
That was the last time I saw Josh. I mean we saw each other at the store now and then but we only gave each other small waves and no smiles. Not even a hello. Last time I saw him at the store he was carrying a baby. It took my breath away on how much this baby girl looked like him. My heart sunk, seeing this. Did I love him still? Maybe. But it was all too late to even think about. So I just walked on into the fruit isle.
Paramore was doing well. We made our fourth album and as the cycle of it died down, unfortunatly, we decided to break up. Nothing felt right for us anymore. We just weren't... us.
I kept in touch with Zac every so often. He was so happy. Seeing his family all the time, taking a new job, having a girlfriend. Taylor and Zac were as close as ever. Same with him and Jeremy. I never talked to Josh as I said before but Taylor and Jeremy said they said hi to him once in awhile.
Now, I'm five months pregnant and married to the man I love. No, not Chad. And, sadly, not Josh as I thought I would marry him when I was eighteen. But, this man I married, loved me for me.
And now, I sit here, wondering what it would of been like if I just didn't make that stupid mistake of cheating on Josh with Chad. Would have we gotten married? Would Paramore still be a band? Paramore would always be a band no matter what. But, everything would have been different if I just didn't make that dumb mistake.