So... hey! Another One-Shot, yeah... hope you don't mind? Look, I promise you that my next One-Shot will be all cheesy and happy and all, okay? hahah
This is actually based on a true story (for the disease), and it involved my middle school teacher of art, so... yep, just wanted to let you know it has its meaning, at least for me.
Well... hope you'll like it and let me know! It's from Josh's point of view. Mh, hear ya soon, then?
It seemed like I could palpate it with my fingers, the warm air of the beginning of a new summer, the sun was shining brightly above us, corn ears all around us as a huge blanket you could wrap all around you to feel protected.
I smiled, turning to the petite figure next to me, who was laying on her side, eyes closed and some locks of her bright red hair on her flawless face.
She was beautiful, and it was undeniable. She seemed a concrete daydream.
I gently moved my hand toward her, brushing some locks away from her face, like they could ruin her dreams.
She slowly opened her eyes, smiling at my view “I wish we could stay like this forever” she whispered, a shiver ran along my back.
Forever was such a long time.
“I’d love that” she smirked and stretched her arms up, like she wanted to touch the sun rays.
I laid next to her, closing my eyes and capturing the soft sounds all around.
The blowing wind, the rubbing of the corn ears against each other, so gentle and soft, the little birds chirping like they wanted to sing a song.
Suddenly I felt Hayley moving, I opened an eye and I found her staring at me, her head cocked and a sly smile on her pink lips.
“What?” I chuckled softly, and she simply shook her head, a smile still on her lips.
She leaned down toward me and placed a soft kiss on my lips “We should get back home, uh?”
I looked at her, slowly tracing her delicate jaw with my thumb and nodded “You tired?”
I knew she didn’t want to admit it, but something was telling me that she wanted some rest, and I couldn’t blame her.
She didn’t say anything, her glance simply went down “Alright, let’s go”
I stood up and offered her my hand, she seemed more pale than usual “You okay, Hayles?”
She nodded shyly “I am… c’mon, don’t worry for me, I’m fine, really”
I knew she was lying, simply because she wasn’t looking into my eyes. She was my wife, I knew her.
I slipped my hand on her waist, letting her head free to rest on my shoulder. I lived for moments like this, capturing her scent, her breath.
I wanted to live everyday at its full, for her, for us.
Hayley and I had such a rushed life. We met at 19, we fell crazily in love, I proposed to her the same year and she said yes.
Although her parents didn’t take it well, we got married 1 month later, and the month after she was pregnant with our first child, Chris.
We got along for almost 4 years, 4 amazing years of pure love, respect, kindness, the happiest family you could ever find, I had the love of my life next to me.
My Hayley, my lovely and beautiful Hayley, our 3 year-old Chris and the thought of another kid floating in the air.
It all seemed so perfect – too perfect- till things started to go downhill.
One day, and ordinary day like others, I could see how Hayley wasn’t alright. She was more pale than usual, her green eyes were turned off, I could find her suddenly sleeping in any position, like she was always unbelievably tired.
She would have kept telling me that she was fine, that maybe it was just a flu.
She had always been a strong woman, the one who takes care of her family and pretends she’s always fine, so it didn’t surprise to me when she told me she was just about to rest a bit, but I started to worry when after 3 days of nausea and dizziness, she could suddenly fall even when walking slowly, and she hadn’t the force to take Chris in her arms.
I could see how she got worse day by day, and although her objection I did the only thing I felt the urge to do. Bring her to the Hospital after had left Chris to her parents.
They hospitalized her, and I stayed the whole night next to her, she was so forceless that she couldn’t even speak, and it scared me, I had never seen her so… fragile.
When the diagnosis arrived the afternoon after, I wasn’t sure if I still wanted to know the result from the doctor’s expression.
And when he took me outside to tell me the result, my heart couldn’t do otherwise than skip a beat to the only words I caught from the whole conversation.
Cancer. Brain. Metastasis.
It all stopped till I realized.
I had never felt the World disappear under my feet, neither when my father died.
Never until that moment.
It felt like with that words a huge black hole had opened right under my feet, capturing everything all around… except me.
He told how this type of cancer is so silent, it grows and you don’t even notice if you don’t do any exam, but then it appears, devastating.
Hayley had already a lot of metastasis in her body, and even trying to operate her, it was already too late.
I didn’t want to hear that, I didn’t want them to say it.
I felt empty, I wasn’t sure of anything anymore, but I wanted to believe she could have make it, she had to make it.
I forced my best smile and walked back to her room, she was awake, sleepy and tired, but awake.
And I got no choice that to tell her the truth.
I kept telling myself that here was always hope, and that the Lord was on our side, so when they mentioned me that they could try with the Radiation therapy I quickly accepted.
The day passed by, her parents got to know, our close friends got to know.
Only Chris couldn’t. I didn’t want him to know, he could have wait, for him her mother had a simple ‘adults’ flu.
The Radiation Therapy didn’t work, the doctors told me to bring her home and fully live everyday with her.
They gave her 5 months.
Only 5 months.
When we got back home, Chris still at her parents’ home, she burst out crying into my arms.
She hadn’t cry for her whole weeks of hospitalization, and she did that only when we were back home, on our own.
I felt so useless, empty. I would have turned the world for her, I couldn’t believe there was nothing left to do, I couldn’t.
And I couldn’t believe I would soon never felt that body between my arms ever again, seeing Chris growing, graduating, having his first girlfriend, without her by my side. I couldn’t.
“You sure you’re okay?”
She nodded, stepping inside our home “Josh, I told you, I’m fine, just tired”
“I shouldn’t have brought you outside”
She sighed, walking toward me and placing her hands on my cheeks “Don’t say it, this is the way I want it to be, not being treated like a terminally ill person” she closed her eyes, breathing deeply “Hayles?”
“I… I think I’ll go rest a bit, call my mama and tell her to bring Chris, okay?”
She slowly slipped away her hands from my skin and turned away, and once she was out of my view I felt the urge to cry.
I didn’t see it coming, and I had never cried this much in my entire life.
I did what she told me and her mother brought me Chris.
I didn’t get along well with her parents, so rich but so selfish.
They talked with the doctors, telling me that I was useless, that their daughter could have make it just fine, and actually I hoped they were right.
“Where is she?”
She frowned “You’ll be her death, doctors said she has to rest as much as she can, and you take her outside! You’re a fool!”
I hated her and her attitudes, I hated how she was making me feel so damn guilty.
I breathed in deeply, trying to keep my nerves “I want her to be happy, these are her last moments, and now you can go”
She puzzled, snorting and looking at me almost disgusted “I want to check how’s my only daughter, if you don’t mind”
I shook my head “I do mind, actually”
Chris ran toward us, asking me to grab him with my arms. He looked at me with pleading eyes “I wanna go to mommy too, dada”
I looked at him and before I could say anything, Hayley's mother was already climbing the stairs.
I snorted frustrated “Alright”
He smiled happily and I walked him upstairs, reaching for our bedroom, when I bumped into her mother.
“Call 911, she doesn’t wake, she doesn’t wake up!” she yelled, crying.
I didn’t know what to do, Chris started crying into my arms, I was panicking.
“What does it mean?!” I left Chris near her and ran to our bedroom.
She was there, still, pale and beautiful as always, like the Sleeping Beauty.
“Hayles, Hayles please wake up” I started to shake her, tears in my eyes as she didn’t make a move.
I took the telephone on the bedside table and called 911, my heart pumping too much, I thought it was about to explode.
The ambulance arrived 10 minutes after, I quickly took Hayley bridal style in my arms and rushed downstairs, yelling to her mother to take care of Chris.
Everything after that is a cloud of different memories.
It’s knows that when something –a fact, an incident, a loss- hurts us terribly, it’s like our brain automatically erase in from our memory, the pain we felt, our feelings, like a sort of shelter.
That’s what happened to me.
They hospitalized Hayley again, after more than 4 hours of waiting the doctor walked to me and told me she went into coma, and I simply fell on my knees, forceless, empty.
I couldn’t even cry.
It was like I wasn’t there anymore, like my feelings, my brain, all had just turned off, I could only feel shivers run along my body, little painful electric shock.
I was shaking, that’s all I know, but I was completely stunned, puzzled.
She wasn’t dead, still there was a spark that she could wake up… but I knew, I felt this wasn’t the case.
My Hayley wasn’t going to open her eyes again.
She wasn’t going to tell me she loved me another time, she would have never took our kid into her arms once more, singing him to sleep with her beautiful voice, I would have never heard her crystal laugh again, see her emerald enchanting eyes lock with mine.
Life is such a strange rollercoaster, you can’t plan it, you just have to live it, because suddenly it all can fall down right in front of your eyes so easily, you can’t see the wave coming and destroy your sandcastle, just like when you were a kid.
And what’s the only chance you have?
To rebuild it, with patience, willpower.
And maybe that castle will be the most beautiful one, eventually.
When Hayley passed away two days after, even though at the beginning doctors gave her 5 months of life and she stayed by my side only one, I didn’t bring myself down. I couldn’t.
I had Chris to take care of, he was the new life I had to start, my new castle.
I knew it was what Hayley would have wanted.
And I felt lucky, lucky because I got to know her, I got to have a beautiful kid with her, and most of all I got the chance to love her and to be loved back, deeply, purely.
She had came like a thunderstorm, abruptly, overwhelming, and she had faded just like it.
But as I could look up to the sky, I could see how there was a beautiful rainbow, smiling above me.